Saturday, June 5, 2010

Twelve

Sometimes, I can close my eyes, and this year never happened. I close my eyes, and I am twelve again, it's a cool summer day, I'm riding home on the elevated 1 train, staring out the window at the clouds. For a second, I have a year. We are standing on the edge of a cliff, and there are so many bridges we are about to cross, but once we are crossing those bridges, we are focusing on making sure we don't fall. From where we stood then, we could merely stand on the edge of that cliff, and look out into the canyon, entirely unaware of what was out there. And I remember so vividly, staring out into the expansive gray clouds, from the view of a vandalized window, thinking that something was about to happen. Future was about to happen, and there were so many points that were bursting, like a nest full of eggs about to emerge.
For a moment, I am back there. I am back in that feeling, right before life changes. It is there whenever life changes, and whenever you need it. And when I need it... I need to touch base with twelve year old me, who surprisingly, knew more about myself, than I will ever know again. Now I know about other people and the world... but it's harder to read my own dreams, and my own desires. When I close my eyes, I remember how it felt that summer, and now that I think about it, that summer was a time of magic.

7 comments:

Lola Bellybutton said...

Well my perfect age was 7. That's what year I wish I was in now. Not only did I know about myself, I also didn't know that I knew nor needed to know. It was a much more simple existence.

Mountain Spirit said...

that does sound perfect. does that have anything to do with the fact that you say your number is 7?

Lola Bellybutton said...

nah. but you gotta admit, seven works out quite well for me. it's purpley green, by the way.

Mountain Spirit said...

the number is purpley green? hmmm

Lola Bellybutton said...

oh yes. tell me your number, and i'll tell you its color.

Mountain Spirit said...

14

Lola Bellybutton said...

a dark gray off-white only half blended with light light yellow with an orange tint to the 4.