Twelve

Sometimes, I can close my eyes, and this year never happened. I close my eyes, and I am twelve again, it's a cool summer day, I'm riding home on the elevated 1 train, staring out the window at the clouds. For a second, I have a year. We are standing on the edge of a cliff, and there are so many bridges we are about to cross, but once we are crossing those bridges, we are focusing on making sure we don't fall. From where we stood then, we could merely stand on the edge of that cliff, and look out into the canyon, entirely unaware of what was out there. And I remember so vividly, staring out into the expansive gray clouds, from the view of a vandalized window, thinking that something was about to happen. Future was about to happen, and there were so many points that were bursting, like a nest full of eggs about to emerge.

For a moment, I am back there. I am back in that feeling, right before life changes. It is there whenever life changes, and whenever you need it. And when I need it... I need to touch base with twelve year old me, who surprisingly, knew more about myself, than I will ever know again. Now I know about other people and the world... but it's harder to read my own dreams, and my own desires. When I close my eyes, I remember how it felt that summer, and now that I think about it, that summer was a time of magic.

Camp

Now I'm going to do what people normally do on their blogs: talk about life.

I guess it's everything I've been doing at my camp, that makes me not think. No social epiphanies, no broken hearts, just russian ballet training. I mean, with the different cliques inside the studio, there are people to talk to and to stimulate your mind. But not quite as hellish as junior high school; I'm also too tired to blog when I get home.

Regardless, I love camp. I love the fact that all I have to do is go and take class, and 85% of the time, class is fun. It's especially fun because there is no stress for shows, and its SUMMERTIME so everyone is happy. I get to see my camp friends. Even though it's a day camp and not a sleepaway like most people, I still have a whole separate group of close friends for the summer. Every summer, we spend four weeks doing everything together, in my little group of four. It's great to reconnect with them, and to remember how much we love each other. It's miraculous, and carefree, to just run around with them all day and not really worry about the world outside of pointe shoes.

So maybe I will have an epiphany later.

Summer

So now it is summer and all my friends (or at least most of them) are exploring the world, off at camp, or in the next 1-2 weeks will be doing either of those things. I however, while I will be doing things, will have complete access to my laptop, internet and blog, and thus will be able to confuse the people who click on my link. But as the number of people reading will be the sad number of zero, I think my summer posting is going to slow down. I will continue to post however, just less frequently. Like once a week. Instead of twice or thrice. So if, amongst your travels and revels in the summertime, you find a moment when you'd like to hear a preteen try to make her mind make sense and complain about the world, i WILL have somethings new going up here.

Enjoy the summer.