And

When I was in first grade, my teacher told us to never use the word "and" to begin a sentence. It was bad grammar. Microsoft Word told me this once, too. So when I'm typing for school, or on my blog (because this is the last place I write properly) I try to do it the right way - not start my sentences with "and". But you might have noticed, that I do end up starting my sentences that way, because half way through the post, I get frustrated, having took too long to get my idea out, because I'm trying to do it right. I try to eliminate the "and", or make it into one big sentence, but no matter what, it ends up sounding very wrong. And I think it's unfair! How can you say it's not allowed when it sounds so annoyingly good, and strings phrases together? Of course to compromise, there is the semi-colon but who ever figures out how to use that correctly, and there we have more issues with being grammatically correct. What's so horrific if I start these sentences with "and"? It's a beautiful, helpful word.

Blog

I've been thinking. That after all this time of writing these posts about my latest discovery, or venting about my latest emotion, or the poetry that I wrote in my school notebooks... I've been thinking about where this is going. I've been running this blog for the past year and a half, and next year I'll be off to high school. I'll be around all different people, a whole new place, a whole new dynamic, and I won't be the twelve year old that started this blog. So this is my proposition: I've considered running this blog until either graduation, or until the end of the summer. I'll keep going the way I've been going, and then when I end it, I'll start a new one. The format would be more of a journal type thing, except I wouldn't keep it like I keep my written one. It would just highlight certain moments of my day, and I'd tell it almost like an excerpt from a book. I also thought that it would be a good way to let the people I won't be seeing as much anymore, know about what's going on in my life. I'm also kind of bored of the way I write here. In conclusion; I feel I will need to start an entirely new blog soon, for my own peace of mind, and for my friends. But what do you think?

Nonspecific

It would suck to wake up one day and find out that some one other than Lola has been reading this blog for the past year. Oh, and Melli and The Wizardress too. It would seriously mess with my life, to find out that I've been screaming all this s***, thinking I was releasing stress into the open air and with those that I love. I'm not even entirely sure how I'd react if that happened, I guess it would depend who. I just have this horrible feeling that some one's been checking up on my emotional state and I have no clue about it. That's what I get for putting this on the Internet! But since when is paranoia a new thing for me? Shoot, I just missed 11:11. I wish on every 11:11, just so you know. It's one of those things I believe in. Sorta. Kinda. Hey! So this is actually how I think, and talk, when I'm not being all official on my blog. My blog is just about the last place where I use correct spelling and grammar and etc. And I also usually use big words and concepts, which are actually what I think about... it just sounds really official? I guess? I can't come up with the right word...

So. Now that I'm almost done with this post, I need to give it a title. It's kind of random. But that's not the right word for it. Thank Spirit for thesaurus. Nonspecific. This post is nonspecific. But I find it so interesting that I'm not making a big deal about the future, the past, regret, love or adolescence, that I'm actually going to publish this!

Happy

This is my attempt at writing a post when I'm happy. My hair is flying out of a ponytail, I have one of my favorite outfits on, blasting music, clapping and dancing in a way that no one has ever seen me dance. Ever. I'm talking to people and I'm relishing in the fact that everything went my way today. That just everything about the world looks so perfect and going for me, that I can't even believe it's happening. And the chain of events that are so blissful, send me on a high that has me looking to the sky unable to breathe. Even something that has been known to bring me to my knees crying, is simply invisible at this moment, and I'm convinced it has to do with the sunlight streaming, and the gentle wind. I can't tell you much else about what this feels like, or anything going through my mind, because everything in is a heated whirlwind. So this, relating to my earlier post, is what I'm like when I'm happy. I don't care if the neighbors bother me 'cause the music is on blast, and I'm stomping my feet. What I'll do, is I will go out on that fire escape, and I will shout until they can hear me down in Harlem and up in Inwood cause I am SO DAMN HAPPY.

Publicize

I suddenly feel like I'm spilling everything, every word I write, is revealing every little bit of my feeling. And everyone can see it. Even though no one reads this blog. But even if I mask what I'm saying, and I'm just talking about what's on my mind, the people will see through it and my naked love, dispair, confusion, all these heavy words. I'm not sure if I can mask them anymore. Maybe, I don't want to. But that's not what this blog is about. I'm not here to write about my life, in a direct emotional way. I'm here to put out the more complicated, (theorietically) insightful parts of living. But if all I can say is "I don't understand the way you think" and "I regret this and this" and "I love you" and "I'm confused because I'm 13" etc... - then why am I here? Now, every time I sit down to write a post, I ses straight through it. And since you all know me, and my life, and what I'm doing, you'll figure it out too. Which means, this is like having a one-ended, heart-to-heart that will remain forever on the internet. That's not very wise now is it...

Oh

Oh. Of course there are no new comments. I haven't posted in ages. I guess my list of things to automatically post in the future ran out. I'll have to make a new one when i have some free time. Which is never until I get into high school. Or perfect my typing enough to not put an 'e' or 't' at the end of every word without need. It happens when I'm too tired. And resist the need to shorten my words into text dialect, and type properly with good grammar. Because on my blog is the only place where I do it. Now, all of my blogger companions, for the most part, are also under high school stress, so they understand, I hope. I've been having poetic epiphanies, which you may see soon. Or if not, I have a couple of teasers from stories I've written that might eventually end up here. Now, I hav algebra and House to watch.