And

When I was in first grade, my teacher told us to never use the word "and" to begin a sentence. It was bad grammar. Microsoft Word told me this once, too. So when I'm typing for school, or on my blog (because this is the last place I write properly) I try to do it the right way - not start my sentences with "and". But you might have noticed, that I do end up starting my sentences that way, because half way through the post, I get frustrated, having took too long to get my idea out, because I'm trying to do it right. I try to eliminate the "and", or make it into one big sentence, but no matter what, it ends up sounding very wrong. And I think it's unfair! How can you say it's not allowed when it sounds so annoyingly good, and strings phrases together? Of course to compromise, there is the semi-colon but who ever figures out how to use that correctly, and there we have more issues with being grammatically correct. What's so horrific if I start these sentences with "and"? It's a beautiful, helpful word.

Stop

Where did these days go

Lives lost

To pride

And the unknown.

Power wasted

Choices made

Never taken back

Wisdom that I lack.

Words that I reuse

Ad nausium

So you can tell

These are my favorite words

But I don't use them very well

I just sit right here

Every night

And I write

Or I try

To create

Some dispension of hate

So that I don't walk in tomorrow

Ready to scratch someone's eyes out

And so I don't cry on the train

When there's nothing to cry about

And though I'm still stupid

I just don't wanna lose it

When I'm on my way to math

Please no premature ruin

There's no telling when this stops

It stops when my fingers

Stop punching out words

That explain my state of mind

And when the meaning just becomes

Searching for rhymes

I can stop myself there

And stop wasting my time

Stop this, stop that

Stop because I can't go

Go where

There's no place

But your face

That I know

Times feeling upside down again

But I feel tied in

Running into walls

Like an animal pen

And I'm just pacing up and down Columbus Circle

Looking out the glass

At the whole wide world

I wanna stop pacing

Because there's nowhere to go

But if I'm not going anywhere

Then I can't get hurt.

Unsafety

A sense of unsafety

My own words on the attack

After a virtual sigh

Virtual silence.

These minds are screaming you see

Screaming in non verbal ways

These minds are wondering

Misunderstanding

As of that moment I was standing in space

Caught enegry dancing

But don't say a word

Cuz you say one more thing

And the energy explodes

Gone from it's encasement

Like three satisfying words

Suffocating in every way

A misty whirlwind in the middle of nowhere

And no where left to go

No more breathing now

Cling to every word

Until the storm abruptly stops

With one final message

Our ghost

Publicize

I suddenly feel like I'm spilling everything, every word I write, is revealing every little bit of my feeling. And everyone can see it. Even though no one reads this blog. But even if I mask what I'm saying, and I'm just talking about what's on my mind, the people will see through it and my naked love, dispair, confusion, all these heavy words. I'm not sure if I can mask them anymore. Maybe, I don't want to. But that's not what this blog is about. I'm not here to write about my life, in a direct emotional way. I'm here to put out the more complicated, (theorietically) insightful parts of living. But if all I can say is "I don't understand the way you think" and "I regret this and this" and "I love you" and "I'm confused because I'm 13" etc... - then why am I here? Now, every time I sit down to write a post, I ses straight through it. And since you all know me, and my life, and what I'm doing, you'll figure it out too. Which means, this is like having a one-ended, heart-to-heart that will remain forever on the internet. That's not very wise now is it...

Say

How did you come to form those words? What was the inspiration? Are there fairies in your ear whispering them, is there a script somewhere? I'd love to crawl inside your head, stay awhile, listen to the echoes of what comes in, and what goes out. What is real, and what comes through the "this is what you say to accomplish your goal" feed. I'm picturing it as an office running thoughts like paperwork, and some things are done the right way, by hand, while others the company buys off of China, for cheap labor. So now, it's a matter of what thoughts you get, and where do they come from? Like buying mysterious food. You don't know where it's come from, or what it's been through...

But are you getting me? Sometimes I just wonder about this. Because you like those words, you respect those words, they make you happy - whatever - and then where did they come from? The source of all statements to trust or to distrust, unknown at times, to the person running the company of thoughts. AKA, you. But that's a whole different story. I leave you, still wondering, why you say these things.

Words

If you've been reading my blog for a while, you might notice that I title every single blog post with one word. Except for one entry I made back in the fall. But ever since then, every entry has been titled with one word. I believe singular words have power. Explaining things can be useful, but sometimes, words are overused, and eventually reveal too much and start rewinding to the hopeless state of confusion you started out with. This though, only applies to certain situations when it is best just to say one word and let it be dealt with. You might find one day, you can save yourself from a lot of trouble by saying one word instead of twenty. Words, used properly, can make beautiful things appear, concepts established  by syllables spoken and marks in the dirt. Words define and redefine and redefine meanings that we hope to present, in search of the greater meaning. (We all know that one.) I have found words to magnificent playmates; we can really have some fun. At times a party is enjoyable, and other times, one word is enough. One word leaves more of a mystery and space for you to create more of what is there. Undying possibilities can lie within one word because no one word can mean the same word once pondered over by the diverse minds of the earth.