Love

Love... is a relative feeling. Love builds up, and can just as easily exist between one set of people as the next... it doesn't belong to a set of requirements. Only that person knows if they love or not, and it doesn't have to be mutual. It is just one of those things that means you have feelings for that person, beyond any other feelings you've ever had before. And I guess I started out with the idea of romantic affection, but this applies to other kinds too. Like a mother who experiences the new rush of love for her baby, and the whole new emotional aspect that they were not aware of until they were a parent. It's like the longer you exist, all the different causes of love have more to live up to. More competition. Which means when you're older, your senses of love will be much stronger and more aware and experienced and whatnot, than it was when you were younger. However, it does not make love beforehand, any less.

Bowl

Like warm water

Poured into a bowl

Set out to sit

In the spring

That first touch

So welcoming and soothing

So strong

Everlasting

That season.

But spring is not summer

And it's not fire, it's water

Spring has breezes

Water cools

However long it takes until

The tub of water does not fulfill

Then the replacement so shocking

Bizarre in its blizzard ways

Exhilerating in its first wonder

Leaving with an unusual sting

And a slap in the face

So here you are with confusion

Snow that was your friend

Five minutes ago

Doesn't mean the blizzard

Is any less than the bowl

But the water's gentleness was comforting

This blizzard is foreign

While you know you must take chances

Because that water is getting to be cold

Somehow drowning in cold water

Is more reassuring

Than the bipolar storm.

Alone

One of my greatest fears since I was a kid, was to be alone. In any situation, I was okay, as long as there was someone there to be with me, support me, and to prove that I wasn't doing the wrong thing. When you're alone you're three thousand times more vulnerable, and there's a silence that you can't fix as you can around others. That silence can eat you up and make your inner mind start talking for you, which can be very necessary at times, and at others it can go on to the point of danger. I'm afraid to be alone, and be sitting there unable to override the sound of silence. To have no one to bring me down to reality when I start to imagine the best and believe the worst. And when I'm alone and I cry, I know that there's not gonna be a friend who can say their one word and make me smile.

Twelve

Sometimes, I can close my eyes, and this year never happened. I close my eyes, and I am twelve again, it's a cool summer day, I'm riding home on the elevated 1 train, staring out the window at the clouds. For a second, I have a year. We are standing on the edge of a cliff, and there are so many bridges we are about to cross, but once we are crossing those bridges, we are focusing on making sure we don't fall. From where we stood then, we could merely stand on the edge of that cliff, and look out into the canyon, entirely unaware of what was out there. And I remember so vividly, staring out into the expansive gray clouds, from the view of a vandalized window, thinking that something was about to happen. Future was about to happen, and there were so many points that were bursting, like a nest full of eggs about to emerge.

For a moment, I am back there. I am back in that feeling, right before life changes. It is there whenever life changes, and whenever you need it. And when I need it... I need to touch base with twelve year old me, who surprisingly, knew more about myself, than I will ever know again. Now I know about other people and the world... but it's harder to read my own dreams, and my own desires. When I close my eyes, I remember how it felt that summer, and now that I think about it, that summer was a time of magic.