2am

When the world falls alseep, why am I still sitting here expecting confetti to burst up over my computer screen? Why do I check my silent cell phone? If I've been caught up in a tornado all night, is this just me suffering from the shock of the end of the wind? Or maybe it's just pure insomnia, or abuse of caffiene. Nevertheless, here I sit, watching night breathe on. Love songs play from YouTube, with no meaning other than the soft tune they put into the room.

As I stare at green digital numbers, I can feel time dripping down on me, and I start to feel layers disappear. Tonight is not just tonight - it's every night I've been awake in the middle of the morning, wondering if I'm about to fall out, or if I'll see the sunrise this time. Everytime I've been worried, or blissful, overly contemplative or scared. Any time I have held this vigil, 2am on Fort Washington Avenue. I start to realize I'm staring at the same pencil-smudged plaster and paint I stared at years ago, and signed my name and pledges of love. Written like prisioners' wall carvings to prove that I was once there, in a different form. Of all the things that have changed, I still find myself in the same room, awake, absorbing night's gravity.

And then when the sunrises the purity of the dawn will shine off of urban windows and in faint ways around red and brown bricks. And I will feel every morning I've ever lived, the cold ones and the warm ones. I will feel the simultanious dread and wonder that I'm alive again and there is another day to live where there will be life on earth. Dawn is the best time to determine your character, as light baptizes you. There's a certain signifigance of seeing the first moments of morning - there's a reason you're catching that moment; it doesn't tend to be coincidental, and even if you think so, I suggest you think twice.

Art

This is a response to a post by The Wizardress, which was at first a comment, but then it got too long and I figured it should be a post. In order to understand my post, you're probably going to have to read hers.

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Art becomes shared and appreciated when people can relate to it - which I think is what you just said. I like art more than nature, and I guess we're talking about human made art because I dont understand why nature cant be art. even if it happened without any prompting, it still causes emotion for people and people see beauty and emotion in it, as they might a painting or sculpture, etc. Those two aspects FOR ME, define art.

And what's wrong with seeing multiple ways to get inside someone's mind? Tying into what i said at the beginning, relating to people makes people feel better, as does the creation itself. I think that art that does not convey emotion in a way that people can read it, is just one-ended art. Because if it has ANY emotional value, the artist can feel it and use it. That's much different than tissues.

Humanity

Humanity is BS. Really. I sort of went into this in 'Midnight', but everything about our lives is stupid, false, wrong. So when I go out and tell off things like money, you say, "oh, but money is important, for shelter, food," etc. Our shelters, our cities, suck. So sure, our fucked up money is important for our fucked up housing. But if its all corrupt... you have no money for no real house.

So, money as I previously said, is shiny rocks that have become green paper we all love. Our houses, all bunched together in one place and damned to stay there until someone burned or blew it up. Destroying, tearing apart nature as it is because we want it to be that way. Did it ever occur to you that nature was that way for a reason? (I'm not accusing you personally, because you most likely had nothing to do with this). But really, isn't a red flag when we start altering the course of life and Earth?

Plus, our plain old laziness. Because we really couldn't deal with working ourselves, we went ahead and killed the atmosphere because we didn't want to work, creativity is fine, but we are just not aware of what we are doing are we? Just like the changing the face of the Earth to our suiting, we also blow black stuff into the air and think it's all fine! Black smoke does not naturally appear into the air. So you think it's not going to do anything? Everything does something. 

In all, we suck. And yes, I accept if I want to live in this world, these things are necessary, and I can't fight it. But I can think it.