Wrist

Her wrists were so innocent. White, soft skin, like they were the day she was born. Veins of life seen through the surface, perfect and untouched. No tension, no hate, no devestation that would be obvious at the sight of the rest of her. But feeling around in the darkness, she picked up her wrist, and felt the inside of it with her fingertips. Her hands were cold and her arm was warm. The blade was cold, and the blood was warm. It slowly came in, and the sensitive skin over the veins reacted to the slightest touch. The skin was tight and unmoving as the blade stroked it, sinisterly toying at her fate: two inches down, two inches up, pausing at the base. After a while, this rubbed a sore spot. She clenched her hand, and unclenched it. The blade came down, pinching the first millimeter of skin it came in contact with. Then it pressed harder, leaving a whiteish-pale green mark that eventually melted into the pale pale rose pink that they use to describe kids' clothes in magazines. She was left undecided what to do with the knife.

Smile

A smile is your one defense between YOU and THEM. When the world is crashing down, a deep breath and a smile is gonna save you. And nothing else! Hiding makes you disappear, denial makes you stupid, crying makes you look like crap, and then you have the issue of how to stop. Talking may land you saying stuff you really wish you hadn't said, and sitting not doing anything at all is never going to work either.
But I never realized how equally difficult it is to smile through a dead feeling inside. I never realized how much energy and self-pursuasion it takes, to make yourself care about things you don't and say things you wouldn't say, and to artificially pick yourself up, put yourself back on your feet, until you're ready to walk again. Those moments of wandering around, like you've just been born... I WAS just born and I'm ready to deal with the consequences. Breathe deep flower. And smile. Because if you can, then you've created the barrier between... THEM and YOU. A barrier you can see through, but none of them can. Smile. Smile. Smile. It hurts, no? Just smile.

Girl

And so the girl was scared. She wasn't so sure how she'd landed where she was, alone in the dark on the south side of Pinehurst. Neither was she quite optimistic about her situation from that point forward. Come on now, this was her hood. She'd grown up there. She flipped back her hair, which was a mess, tangled around her ears, just above her shoulders. From her peripheral vision she could see wisps of it pointing every which way, and some strands were stuck to her tear-stricken face. Not a good look, thought she as the expansive block before her grew shorter and shorter. If only she could find a sign, a bodega, get over onto Broadway. Though it was dangerous to be roaming on a Friday night, if she could find Broadway, she could get home. Come on now, this was her hood. As her clogs tapped on the uneven pavement, some car was playing hip hop, far off. She imagined the sound becoming closer, and quickened her pace towards it. She'd grown up here. It was all fine. The hip hop did grow louder, which made her heart pound, and her cheap hoops in her ear clang high-pitched. Headlights scared her off the road. Startled the girl. But as it would be, that SUV and the lights that threw her off 171st, threw her right in front of a taxi, on 172nd.

Life

I have a belief that we are all dead. Why are we alive? What is alive? Because we have a heartbeat? What is a heartbeat? The movement of an organ inside our bodies? What is our body. Our body is a shield, one great big company of magical beings making our brains do action. So what is our brain? Some thing located in the skull that comes up with ideas, thoughts, and sends messages to carry out actions with the company that is the body. What are ideas; thoughts? Concepts that are not yet real, not yet in action. But nothing is real. The universe and everything supposedly in it, do not exist. The illusion that makes our living easier. But what if the fact that we have a heartbeat, and have a body, and brains, ideas and thoughts - what if all that is a factor of being dead? Not alive? Do we know that we are not in the afterworld? Are we supposed to remember the world before? Not necessarily. I think it is very likely, that after the thousands of years talking about the 'afterworld', what if this is the afterworld, to a life that we are not aware of. I find this very likely. We are all dead. 

Midnight

This is the first official entry of my new blog. Inspired by my two bffs. So here I am. It's Thanksgiving today, but only as of seven minutes ago. I should be asleep - or not. Who says I should be asleep? I am alive and working. The only reason is that its dark, so I should be unable to do a lot of things. Except humanity screwed with nature and now we have lights, and computers and you are reading these words on your computer instead of hearing it from me, or some other tribal member around a fire. Yes, humanity screwed with nature and so when the Earth ends, we can say 'we screwed up'. Oops. How clumsy of us. And the Earth is going to end. Do you really think anything can last forever? No. It happens, and according to our tiny time scale, the Earth is forever. But nope. It's gonna die one day, and when it dies, we will probably die with it, and the chapter of Earth and its Inhabitants will be over. Big deal. Either it happens in our lifetime or not. And yeah, global warming is one of the most predominant screw ups of our species. It's certainly speeding up Earth's destruction. Doesn't that suck? I wake up every day and frown at my window because we are failing to take care of our planet and be SMART. We are murderers.

I might say the Stars said for this to happen, but why would the Stars send us out here to kill a part of nature? I think we just failed the Stars' test.